Blowtorch. A blowtorch is what you need to melt those extra pounds away. Simply ignite, melt away the fat, and admire the new, thinner you!
*Waits like 5 minutes*
OK , are the psychopaths gone? Can we go on with the article in peace? Don’t burn yourself with blowtorches please.
Anyway, for anyone that doesn’t use a blowtorch, it can seem impossible to melt that extra weight off. Cutting your diet in half, spending hours on the treadmill, and even signing up for trendy new workout classes isn’t doing the trick. And neither is using a blowtorch on your own body! What gives?
It’s super frustrating to lose a couple of pounds and then wind up gaining it back and then some! What is going on here?! IT’S ENOUGH TO MAKE ME TAKE A BLOWTORCH TO MY
FREAKING THUNDER THIGHS!!!
Losing weight doesn’t have to be this hard. Plus, you don’t have to rush out and use half your paycheck on a gym membership or a personal trainer to yell at you in a boot camp. Or give yourself 3rd degree burns with a blowtorch. With a couple of simple moves and consistency, you can easily drop 5 lbs in just one week.
Just select a few of the following tips and tricks to incorporate into your every day life. Shedding pounds is easy when you stick to a couple of fat-blasting methods that get you results fast. There’s no starvation, crash diets, or crazy 2-hour long workouts here. Or blowtorches. Definitely none of those.
Step 1: Burn Off All Your Fat With A Blowtorch
Just kidding!
Do 30 Minutes of Cardio Each Day
This is the go-to method of dropping weight. It gets your heart rate up and boosts your metabolism to burn fat off.
While running is the obvious solution, a cardio workout is even better if you choose a routine that uses multiple muscles at the same time.
You know, like running from a ravenous jungle tiger while doing bicep curls and stomach crunches at the same time.
If that sounds too complicated (you know, if you’re a PANSY ), boot-camp classes, cardio kickboxing sessions, and spinning all scorch between 200 and 300 calories per half hour. You also tone up your legs, abs, and arms for a sleeker physique overall.
Think about it this way: for every 3,500 calories that you burn and DON’T replace with food, you lose one pound of fat.
Over 7 days, that’s 500 calories per day. So just by supplementing cardio into your routine, you’re already most of the way to the goal of losing weight.
If you’re looking to increase the intensity and get more results in a shorter amount of time, interval training boosts the calorie burn with short, intense bursts of cardio, punctuated by periods of slower-paced movements.
A good rule of thumb to go by is that if you’re talking to a workout buddy, you have to catch your breath occasionally. You shouldn’t be struggling to breathe but it shouldn’t sound like a normal, even-toned conversation either. That’s when you know your heart rate is up and you’re burning calories.
Get Extra ZZZ’s
OK . This is the easiest one. I’m telling you to sleep. Legitimately, just sleep more. WHO DOESN’T WANT TO SLEEP MORE?
*guy in coma raises his hand*
Wait, what?
We could all use extra sleep but getting in an extra 30 minutes of sleep (whether you’re a night owl or a heavy sleeper), can help you feel rested and more energized.
Why does that matter? WELL : when you’re tired, you tend to make poor food choices, reaching for sugars, carbs, and caffeine to keep you going. I’ve been guilty of sneaking out to the store for a Red Bull (or two) the night after mainlining a season’s worth of TV on Netflix.
Whoa… Word auto-capitalizes Netflix. THE FUTURE IS REAL.
Anyway, this has been proven by science. A study in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition clearly demonstrated that people who are sleep deprived snack way more, especially late at night – plus, they are much more likely to choose high carb, unhealthy snacks.
Your body needs adequate sleep in order to build muscle. You can boost your metabolism while you’re dreaming by sleeping for an extra 30 minutes. Also, come on, I’m telling you to SLEEP . HOW EASY IS THAT?
Pack A Better Lunch
If you’re like most people, you probably grab your lunch on the go or travel out to a bakery or deli to pick something up. That’s because bakeries and delis are delicious, and easy, like YOUR MOM. BURNT.
Getting back to the topic (not your mom), when you’re in a rush, you don’t take the time to think about what you’re putting in your body.
So swap out the crap for the good stuff! Substituting one or two things you normally consume can help you cut out calories and shed the pounds. If you always reach for candy or chocolate after a meal, swap in some chunks of fruit. While it still has sugar, it’s not processed and loaded with extra oils, fats, and calories.
Also, choosing a lean protein like salmon can keep you feeling full and give your muscles some much-needed protein to keep them toned. (Mmm, toned muscles, like your mom…) Pair it with a green bean salad and you’ve got a healthy, power-packed lunch that keeps you going.
Cut Out The White Bread
Simple carbs are the enemy of flat abs. Wait, that’s a great slogan! Autocratic empires were born on less!
SIMPLE CARBS ARE THE ENEMY OF FLAT ABS. WE, THE FLAT ABS PEOPLE, WILL HUNT DOWN AND ELIMINATE ALL SIMPLE CARBS UNTIL ONLY FLAT ABS REMAIN. ALL HAIL SUPREME LEADER, FLATAB.
All hail.
Anyway. By cutting out white flour products – like spaghetti, sandwich breads, and rice – you eliminate bloating and actually prevent yourself from reaching for more food. Simple carbs are digested quickly and leave you feeling hungry shortly after your last bite.
The University of Rochester Medical Center conducted studies where they recommend that people should aim to keep their blood sugar levels relatively consistent throughout the day. If you’re eating simple carbs, it causes your blood sugar levels to spike and crash, leading to more hunger, and feelings of weakness and fatigue.
If you’re still craving pasta and breads, swap in whole-grain options or try some protein-packed quinoa with vegetables for extra fiber. Fiber makes you poop more, which helps your metabolism! Poop! Just think about poop often and you’ll cut out white flour in no time!
Instead of having a chicken salad wrap, just make it a chicken salad. Instead of chips and dip, have vegetable sticks with hummus. There are plenty of ways to swap in healthy alternatives without skimping on flavor or satisfaction.
And you know what they say about flavor and satisfaction: your mom.
Drink More Water
OK . We’ve got stuff on this list like “do cardio” and “cut out bad carbs”. Those are the hard ones.
They’re harder to do than DRINKING WATER AND SLEEPING.
It’s as simple as DRINKING MORE WATER . You hear it all the time because it’s true. Adding in more water to your diet has amazing benefits that help you shed the pounds. Drinking more water helps to eliminate fatigue, keep you feeling full, and flush out toxins from your digestive system.
PLUS, IT’S DRINKING MORE WATER. I’M NOT TELLING YOU TO CLIMB MT. EVEREST (AKA YOUR MOM OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH).
Instead of reaching for a soda or smoothie for lunch, drink a glass of water first. You may find that you don’t even want the other beverage afterwards. That’s because you’ll be HYDRATED . Because: WATER .
Besides, sodas, sports drinks, and fruit juices are loaded with empty calories, packed with sugar, and can even have surprisingly high sodium which makes your body retain water, making you feel bloated and puffy. Plus, you’ll look bloated and puffy. Stay Puft Marshmallow Man or Flat Ab Master, your choice.
As if you needed another reason to drink more water, The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition recently published a study that showed that dieters with an increased water intake lost more weight than dieters who drank less water.
I have a dedicated water bottle that I drink from all day and keep by my nightstand to make sure I’m drinking enough. I also have these little flavor packets I get from the store when I get bored with the taste of plain water. Which is fair but come on, water is delicious. It’s WATER . People have been drinking it for literally infinity years.
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